crap at my parents house

Hey there all,

I just found a funny website that had me giggling away. I especially liked this one about absinthe...I'm pretty sure I have some really goofy stuff at my house too don't we all?... enjoy!

crap at my parents house

Ah yes, travel sized absinthe. So you can lose your mind like a 19th century french painter, on the go. 

Elephant Poops Children

ACTION NEWS!

This just in.

Reports of a child eating menace have flooded our newsroom. A large elephant posing as a piece of playground equipment has been spotted around the city. It's appearance has co-incided with the modification of children at these playgrounds. Children, believing this creature to be an ordinary slide, have entered the elephant only to return to their parents completely altered.

Mrs.Rowena Herfblocken of Littlesnoz had this to say, "My little Tommy used to be such a quiet boy. He always came home from school and sat in the corner, humming quietly to himself. Never was any trouble. Now, since the elephant...He has changed. I never know where he is. He's always running around, jumping on the furniture, wanting to go back to the "park" and "his elephant" and...worst of all... all he talks about is poop."

Citizens are advised to contact the nearest SPCA, keep their children indoors, and remain calm if they happen to see this creature.

We will keep you updated with further stories on the hour.

I saw this just the other day on one of my favorite sites, Apartment Therapy (which they received from Dark Roasted Blend) and I just had to share. Check out the slide! Many of the other playgrounds were in serious disrepair but this one is just plain funny. I know a lot of kids who would love to be "pooped" out. (and a lot of parents who wish their kids were pooped before they were.) Anyway, here's the link.

Elephant Bum

New Directions

Every once in a while I look back on my little blog and think about posting again. It's a short thought because, while I did love doing it, I keep feeling like I don't have a lot to say, at least not a lot to say about my daily life. Some of you may know but I've been hard at work this last year writing a musical...yup....an actual honest to goodness musical, from scratch. The tricky thing about writing something that huge is that, if you are me anyway, you spend much of your time not liking the stuff you are churning out and wishing you could say it much better, which in turn does not lead to me writing other things. However, my first draft is finally done and I am a little more objective so I finally feel like putting together an average post.

Also, I feel like I finally understand a few things...cottage cheese for instance. Salty, creamy, chunky and cold it just works on a hot day. Boy, am I glad I got that out of the way.

Anyhow, back to what I understand.

I have been poking away at some of my old writing and finally, after at least four drafts and much thought, I have figured out how to fix my old An Architect's Tower story. If you have read my old story you will notice that about half way through I went wildly off the tracks and veered straight into my old University mentality, namely, it isn't a story of importance unless it is about something "Important." A love story (which, like it or not was where I was going) was not good enough, I had to find somewhere else to go. You know.... abuse, horrific family life, race relations, war, sexuality or any other capital I "Ideas." If you got that far in my story you know exactly what I am talking about.

Part of the problem was I had mixed up my themes. I started my story thinking it was about one thing, how Antoni Gaudi came up with the idea for his snail shell stairs in the bell towers, and it ended up being more about Antoni and Beatriz and a final chance at forgiveness. Maybe that happens a lot to other authors. Maybe it just happens a lot to me. All that matters is that I was, frankly, annoyed with my characters for moving out of the role that I had originally given them. (I only put Beatriz in so that she could give him a snail shell from his childhood. I never really intended that they would hang out and fall in love. The nerve!)

Well, just few days ago the coin finally dropped. I understood how to fix it. How, you ask?

I'll try to explain:

1. I gave up trying to talk about something "Important" and focused instead on what was important to these characters. What did they want from the other people in the story? Why did Beatriz come to Barcelona that day? (It turns out, old dying women do not take their first day trip ever to the city just to deliver snail shells and make my life easy.)

2. Ahh, the value of rewriting. I used to think that stories, novels, poems and plays were born on the wind of pure inspiration. Either they began life as perfect specimens or were utter failures. I really don't think so any more. The first draft, which you have read here, really just served as a blueprint, lining out the characters, giving direction to the themes, perhaps even identifying some useful symbols. Case in point; I thought I was writing a story on the theme of artistic revelation. But what I was really writing about, was love and forgiveness. I didn't want to talk about that! But apparently, in order to write this story, I had to. To get there I had to rewrite the whole last half...several times. I was shocked. I had always thought rewriting (if you had to do it) consisted of fixing your punctuation and rearranging moments. Apparently not.

3. I decided to "preach to the converted." Perhaps you'll understand this, perhaps you won't but it helped me a lot. I read an interview from the playwright who wrote "Angels in America" and he said that as an artist you can't change anyone's mind about things, that's not your job, your job as a writer is to present new takes on old situations. You have to essentially talk as though everyone already agrees with you. You have to assume that readers or viewers will come along with you, not badger them to take the trip and clobber them with your ideas. (My words, he said it better.) Granted, you have to be clear in your descriptions and plot the ideas, just don't preach at people hoping to convert them to an opinion! (BTW, I wasn't actually trying to "convert" you, I just thought that this was how you write about "important ideas." Turns out I was wrong.)

Long and short of it is something I have known to be true for a while. For the record, I have never wanted to be a pastor. I have always seen what I do as being very different. Even so, many people have insisted that artists essentially do the same job. After all, we both have ritual and present things in front of a gathering of people which, presumably, are interested in what we have to say. I have never been really able to explain what the difference was but I think now I can put at least part of this concept into words.

We both, at our best, deal with truth. Not opinion (even though I am very opinionated) but truth. Who really cares about opinions and advice anyway? I know I disagree with more than half of the stuff I hear and eventually I reject 3/4 of my own opinions. For instance, I'm not a big fan of Paula Abdul now...but for about two weeks when I was fifteen she was the best song writer and singer in the world. Really. In the end there isn't anything worth talking about in a public way unless there is some honest to goodness truth to it. Truth in the absolute sense, not in a relative way like "it was true for me at the time." For instance, if a character lies in a story there are consequences to that lie. If you ignore that as a writer your story feels as though it has "holes" in it. You've ignored something (truth: lies have consequences) and it's obvious. I suppose it could work to your advantage if you meant to work against that rule but the rule still exists, it doesn't cease to be true. (In fact, you might be able to build tension that way.) Or, if a painter wants to paint a flower (and have it seen as a flower) they have to obey certain truths about line, form and the use of colour or it just won't work. We won't see the flower. (My old theatre professors used to urge us to find a "universality" to our stories...I guess truth isn't a cool word because what he was talking about is often the same thing.) However, a good pastor doesn't just chat about it, he dispenses Truth whole, tangibly, in word and sacrament. For instance, he doesn't just talk about forgiveness, he gives it. On the other hand, as an artist, I take truth apart, creating a vessel on paper, canvas or stage for some small piece of it and trying my best to represent truth (create it, craft it, imitating what I see and feel) so that others can see it. In a way I get to show the effect of truth, what it does. I can show forgiveness, and the effects giving or not giving forgiveness can have, but I can't give it. I can also show horrible things, consequences, but thankfully I can't give consequences either. So, I get to deal with all the truth in the world and it's effects....That is, if I manage to do it well.

Long and short: You can see from my old story I was definitely trying to tell everyone my opinion, and even that got mixed up. I should just stick with truth and showing, not explaining.

So, anyway what I would like to do with my blog going forward is to show some of the "first draft wobbles" so that people can see a little of my process. I hope that it might help someone else who is learning to write and I also hope that you can watch me grow too...although I have a feeling I will likely forget everything I've learned with the next story. After reading interviews with other authors I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. If I do, I hope you will refer me back to this page before I ride off into the sunset on my high horse. Please.

On another note, I should have my finished story ready to go soon along with a book of poems. I hope to publish these as ebooks or through Lulu or some such thing...hopefully by the end of the month! We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

Snow Makes Me Shovel (My Way Out of Snowbanks

Hi there all.
I've decided to enter another contest. I know, I know, I'm just a tad obsessive. Hey, you never know, perhaps one day I could win a couch, or unlimited toothbrushes, I'm not picky. This one looks like fun. I've been challenged to rewrite the words to Carole King's "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman." Here's my version:

Lookin’ out at the falling snow,
I should be so inspired.
Many places have no where to go,
to ski, or sled, or buy snow tires.
But lately I’m so droopy,
can’t open up my eyes,
I just wish I didn’t live where snow flies.

‘Cause snow makes me shovel,
Snow makes me shovel,
snow makes me shovel my way out of snowbanks.
Hmm...

Driving home just the other day,
Dreaming of sweet Tahiti.
Passed a bus going the other way,
Made me skid and lose my peepee.
And now I sit and wonder,
how life is so unkind,
I’ll have to shovel with pee frozen to my behind!

‘Cause snow makes me shovel,
Snow makes me shovel,
snow makes me shovel my way out of snowbanks.
Hmm...

And now you’d think I’d be content at home,
sittin’ by a roarin’ fire,
sipping coca, talking on the phone,
while the snow drifts down ever higher.
But I can hear a rumbling,
see a blinking blue light,
Guess what I’ll be doing up before first light?

‘Cause snow makes me shovel,
Snow makes me shovel,
snow makes me shovel my way out of snowbanks.
Hmm...


If you like it and want to vote for me or even if you just want to rate the other entries go to:

http://www.cbc.ca/canadawrites/

or just click on the title of this post above for a direct link.

Next click on Nov.21 Song and vote for me!

It makes me feel so much better about the snow.

Funniest Ad of the Year?

Hey all,
Just a quick post while I adjust my bunny legs. I had them installed to keep up with the kiddies. Don't ask.

I was taking a brief search around the net and I found this:

http://www.veryfunnyads.com/

Now, in my humble opinion, none of them are very funny. Yet, they are all competing in the "funniest ad of the year" category. So go ahead, peruse and tell me what you think. The Hydro Energy Train is the most funny ... if you can stop being scared of the train long enough to laugh. But perhaps that's just the mood I'm in.

Why Bunny legs? Alright, alright. Suffice it to say that one of them, who shall remain nameless, but was born as a twin and has always been, oh, a little adventuresome, is climbing ... all over. Mt.Vesuvius here we come! Yesterday I found her climbing over the back of her chair, standing on top of the piano bench, and stuffed inside the storage compartment of a bench (she had help for that one!) Not only that, but she locked herself in a dark room yesterday for about five minutes while I searched frantically for something to pop the lock. When she was finally released ... she was laughing. Yes, that's right. Laughing. She's only two years old folks. I should call Richard Branson and book her apprenticeship.
Bunny legs. See what I mean?

The Death of a Mime

If a mime falls on his death bed does anyone hear? I know most people can't stand mimes. After all, they usually stand on a street corner,performing inane things and unable to give proper directions! Those people also never saw Marcel Marceau perform. The man was truly amazing. He was able, through simple motion, to express the infinite. I had the pleasure of watching him on video in one of my acting classes. There we all were, struggling to look like we were drinking out of a mimed cup, with most of us just looking like we were chewing our fists. So many observations were needed. What is the right weight of the "cup"? How big? What was in it? Meanwhile Marcel the master of the craft was able to show the range of humanity, from birth to death, in a matter of ten minutes, all clearly. I got the feeling that he could give excellent directions too, if necessary. We were lucky to have one of his students teaching our class. He was truly amazing. The sheer athletic prowess was something to behold and the very fact that Marcel Marceau, in his twilight years, could continue to do moves that a twenty year old would weep from, was enough to endow him with super status!
At any rate, the artistic world has lost a great leader and mentor. Farewell sweet prince.

Favorite Actors and Actresses: Angelina Jolie

What? I can hear you say. Yes, it is true. I think she's great. sigh. I was so prepared to not like her. After all she looks as though she is just another young, pretty thing who does enough dangerous stuff that she manages to stay in the spot light. Admittedly with some pretty strange additions to that little formula. Clearly, she is not. Anyone who can take some of the vacuous scripts that she has been given and find nuance deserves to get an academy award. I'll admit she's been in a few decent movies too. Watch her closely, she never stops acting in the movies, she reacts to what the other actors are saying and finds detail and emotion in the smallest moments. Personally I would like to see her try something that would actually showcase her talents so that everyone could see it, but likely she will just keep doing more of the same. She's good, that's all I've got to say.


http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001401/

Favorite Actors and Actresses: Helena Bonham Carter

Ok, ok. I realise that this is another English actor, but I can't help it. She may be a little quirky but when she is on her game I really enjoy watching her. I first saw her during high school in the movie Lady Jane ... which for a very long time was my absolute favorite movie. Room with a View was next, a movie which I still do not understand but all the same is enjoyable (figure that one out), Howard's End was much better as the script gave her some interesting moments to play and finally Mel Gibson's Hamlet ... which she was brilliant in. She captured Ophelia in a way that I had never seen before and, I believe, her performance comes as close as it could to the truth of the matter. I have seen many of her later movies but, call it adolescent glow, these ones still reign in my heart.

Here's the link:
http://www.tiscali.co.uk/entertainment/film/biographies/helena_bonham_carter_biog.html

Favorite Actors and Actresses: Ben Kingsley

I've been meaning to put up a post for a while. Finally, I've come up with a compromise ... instead of revealing my already addled brain and creating something that makes no sense whatsoever ... bunions ... I will just let you know some of my favorite actors and actresses. First of all Ben Kingsley:
I first came to appreciate him in theatre school. He made a stellar performance in "Playing Shakespeare" from the BBC television program. A number of the other male actors huffed and puffed their lines, but when he spoke I felt as though everything was very clear. It was strange, I didn't feel as though he was speaking Elizabethan English, but simply communicating the lines, the emotion, the character. It was really something. Sadly, not many of his movies have demonstrated his full artistry, however I really enjoy watching him just the same.

Here's a link for his movies, TV appearances and bio:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001426/

Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19

Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19
Alright, this has to be my final Pirate instalment:
Here's their web site, it even has some stuff for kids! Have fun!

YouTube - Talk LIke a Pirate Day: "Slappy's Random Phrases"

YouTube - Talk LIke a Pirate Day: "Slappy's Random Phrases"

Here's some random Pirate Phrases to get you started. Just think how well this would work at the grocery store!

YouTube - Talk Like a Pirate Day: Phone Etiquette

YouTube - Talk Like a Pirate Day: Phone Etiquette

Ok, found another one. Kim you'd appreciate this a lot ... you may even consider answering all your messages this way!

YouTube - Talk Like a Pirate Day: "I'm a Pirate" song

YouTube - Talk Like a Pirate Day: "I'm a Pirate" song

I found these guys while wandering around the net, it's very silly and worth a moment ... especially if your kids are really into pirates, like mine. This video is a pirate "kiddie song" and even features a pint sized cabin boy.

USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN

USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN

I have enjoyed this site from time to time. They are a very funny bunch of guys (and one girl) and the best fun is sending in a question or two for them to answer.Check out answer 365.

My Landlord

I recently decided to try renting someone else's blog. There are so many weird things you can do on the "net" so I guess living in two or three places at once is not so strange ... not really. Question though, Kat, there's a couple burnt bulbs and an old furnace at my place ... can you let me know when you can get to it?

Check out Kats blog in return. She's a great writer and very funny so it's worth the visit.
Kats Knoll

My Video Daily - Crazy Frog - Jingle Bells - video

My Video Daily - Crazy Frog - Jingle Bells - video I'm hoping this works properly. This is the Crazy Frog Jingle Bells clip. Watch out though because it goes directly into other music videos after and often plays ads before. Enjoy

Crazy Frog - Google Video

Crazy Frog - Google Video

Here we are with another crazy frog video. This is his early audition tape!

Popcorn Crazy Frog - Google Video

Popcorn Crazy Frog - Google Video
Here's the frog DJing a dance.

Crazy Frog Popcorn Video Clip - Google Video

Crazy Frog Popcorn Video Clip - Google Video
Ha, here's another, he's underwater in this one!

Crazy Frog CHAMPIONS www.philgym.com Mondial 2006 - Google Video

Crazy Frog CHAMPIONS www.philgym.com Mondial 2006 - Google Video

Hey there,
I found yet another Crazy Frog video, "We are the Champions". To tell the truth too much of this stuff could drive you crazy. Oh well.