Tuesday, November 28, 2006

All Drugged Up and No Where to Go

Sorry for the long absence.

Where have I been? Lounging on some forgotten shore of a desert island? Sipping tea in an underground cave with the leaders of the free world during “fire drill”? A hostage to the finest minds of our time, being poked with a pin until I reveal my secrets?

No, oh no. Not this time.

My back, in a surge of creativity, has spawned, not one but two disk bulges. Why you ask? I have no idea. I saw three separate medical professionals and was told, and I quote ‘Wow, you don’t see that every day.” Now if I had a cream puff for ever time I’ve heard that from someone in the medical community I’d be very fat and would be on my way to a new career, but as it is I am left with the sad fact that my body has a complete mind of its own and no one can quite figure it out. That’s right. I have two brains. Which is odd because I can’t seem to access either one. Darn pin number.

I have been flat on my back for almost a week now drifting in and out of a drug induced haze; an oddly dreamless but persistent fog. Since I have a bulge in my neck my hands are mostly numb, and the bulge in my lower back leaves my feet tingly so between the two bulges and my meds I have the strange sensation that I am not actually touching anything but merely floating above the ground. All the thrills and chills of an out of body experience with out having to leave home.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my husband has been in charge of rounding up the herd every morning. I often come to the surface of my reverie in time to hear, “He’s touching me!”, “I don’t WANT to!” and “We do not feed chocolate to the babies!”. It isn’t odd that I hear this so clearly, we’ve received calls from the US asking us to “pipe down, or the soft wood lumber agreement will really go in the toilet. We mean it.” We are taking these calls very seriously. No matter what the Yanks may say, he is doing a great job. Each and every one of the children remain fed, clothed and as yet unmaimed ... well there’s no permanent damage, at least none we can see. Which is a feat for any soul. He has also managed to hold down his job. And I have yet to find him hiding in the closet mumbling to himself and chewing his hand. A good sign. We’ve also had a lot of help recently from the Church Ladies who have kindly brought us supper and even popped in to watch the kiddies from time to time. Brave souls.

So, to sum up, this is what we’re looking at:

Another couple weeks of back pain, during which time I will be fully drugged up and walking like a Neanderthal

A few rounds of Rehab after which I will emerge from the ring like Rocky, beaten, but still able to punch the air, weakly, with one fist.

Our house will complete its transformation into a Jurassic Jungle, this time, babies will rule the universe

Then ... we’ll have Christmas! (Or Easter, whichever comes first.)

Wish us Luck.


Joel said...

Good to see that the meds haven't taken away your fine sense of humour!

Btw... I may not have been in the closet mumbling and chewing my hand, but I have been close! But we will pull through!

Take care.

Effie said...

Ohmygoodness! That's rotten--weird bulges on your back and all!

I hope that you DO get a cream puff or two just because it's never a bad thing to have a cream puff or two...

Get better soon!


Nancy said...

I'm so glad your hands stopped tingling enough and the phone calls from the US abated for you to blog in. I was worried. I knew Joel could keep it together for you. Unfortunately, neaderthal walking means you get a close look at the floor. Somehow, at my house, I'd prefer to look at the ceiling... less clutter. JH sends his love, and his love of the drug-induced state also. He's over the heavy med part of the broken collar bone and starting to get bored. Back to school, Monday.
Take care up there!!!!

alex said...

Cara-- you're in my prayers. Not fun at all.

But what would life be without a little stress, a little medical madness?

(Don't answer that.)

Naomi said...


Just wanted to let you know you're in my prayers- as well as your loving husband, crazy kids and the running of a house from a restricted position!

Hope all is going well, that you're up and moving due to being fully HEALTHLY very soon!

Cara said...

thanks all! I hope I get better soon too! The pain has receeded a little more so I'm up and around but I find it hard to lift stuff etc. I am due for an MRI and xray at the end of December though .. an early Christmas present! TTFN