Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Toddlers 'R Us

They can chew through anything.
Yes, if you get low enough to the ground they may even eat you alive.
It's true. Don't let their cute little smiles lull you into false security.

Even so, I press on. This morning, serenaded by the tuneful calls of "Mommy, bottle!" I rose, traipsed out to the kitchen and filled two bottles for the hungry little nippers who were now so sweetly jumping up and down in their cribs. Now, as I gently explained to them the other day they are "so close to losing your bottles, so help me!" so keep that in mind for the following story...

An ordinary baby, when presented with a bottle after a long and hungry night would simply lie down and sip the sweet nectar, not these ladies. I reentered the room to find the first of the ladies merrily dumping said bottle on the wood floor. Not to be outdone by her sister the second of the ladies took a slurp of milk and promptly spit it on her bed sheets. "No,no, no!" I wailed, grabbing the bottles and attempting to stem the tide of flowing milk, which, had there been honey available, would have resembled Canaan, the land flowing with milk and well... you know. "This, ladies, is not what we do with our bottles."

Now. Clearly, these babies are smarter than they look. They may be all googly eyed and chubby cheeked, but fools they are not. "Bottle." said the first opening and shutting her pudgy little fist. "Bottle?" Said the second batting her cute little eyes.

"No way" I said,"I know what's going on. I know what you're going to do with it." A statement that was greeted with piteous wails all around.

"What's going on," My husband asked reaching toward the crib, "have you given them their bottles?"

"Not too close," I whispered, "they'll eat you alive."

It's true, they will.


Joel said...

While many of you may think that this tale is far fetched, it is not! Beware the twins! The cute, twinkling eye-lashes only hide the venom of their charm... it lulls you, taking away your defenses, only to have them attack in an instant!!!

Bottles, open diapers, various substances used for graffiti, teeth marks on body parts, books rent asunder, toys dismembered, the list goes on!

Whoever said that girls are sweet never had twins!!! Now, where did I put that exorcism rite?

Nancy said...

Ah, I see you have been the happy recipients of the mischief gene. Do you remember JH and the sitter who never came back because JH decided to use the contents of his diaper as playdough???? Yes, he also drew great wall art at Cindy's using the same material. Beware, be very aware. The most frightening thing I've heard this year in secondary school, is that we have a student/students here that haven't outgrown that. Disgusting, eh?

By the by, have you tried the spill-proof cups with your angels? Of course they'll find a way through them eventually too, but it may slow them down for a while.

Effie said...

oh joy--i'm glad my little munchkin is not nearing that stage yet--she did, however, pull herself to sitting in her playpen and it was subsequently lowered. She can flip her body out of her car seat now if not properly secured and she can roll anywhere--one talented little monkey!

Cara said...

wouldn't you know it, the girls have discovered how to remove their diapers! It will likely be fodder for yet another story. Sounds like kids everywhere like to drive us a little crazy!