Sunday Intellectual Discussion: Sans Electricity

Today we were without electricity until the middle of the afternoon ... hard not to go into the shakes! A situation like that makes you sit back and concider what would I do if electrical power was suddenly gone ... forever? Would I survive? I might have to wash everything by hand ... including the dishes! I've watched lots of Survivor so I would probably be great at making a fire though.



What one thing would you be best at if you had no electricity to aid your day?

USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN

USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN

I have enjoyed this site from time to time. They are a very funny bunch of guys (and one girl) and the best fun is sending in a question or two for them to answer.Check out answer 365.

Spelling Poem

I found this poem while surfing the web. Whoever came up with this is very clever! If you're out there let me know so I can properly credit you ... and pick your brain.

I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea see
It illustrates four my bee half
Mist aches eye can naught sea.
Iran this poem threw it
So ewe can plane lee no
Its error free in every weigh
My checker tolled me sew.

Total Body and Skin Care Regimen

We all know that baby’s skin is soft and line free beyond compare. Who wouldn’t want to be young, beautiful and firm again? I have a new foolproof integrated program that combines beauty, health and exercise for a new total you. This regimen, based on the careful observance of babies, is sure to give new vitality and spark to your skin using techniques that are simple to master.

1. To begin your morning thrash your legs swiftly yet firmly down onto the bed several times. To complete this exercise correctly raise your legs in the air until they touch your ears, arch your back and throw your legs down onto the mattress. Finish with a squeal.
2. Prepare your morning cereal, cream of wheat or oatmeal is highly recommended. Smear half the contents of the bowl on your face and leave to sit until crusty. Eat remaining contents with your fingers. Remove with a soft damp cloth. This is a fast way to combine beauty and weight loss programs for those busy mornings. Your skin will be radiant and smooth and your will instantly loose weight.
3. Go to bed.
4. After a refreshing nap, crawl around on the floor. Eat whatever you find there, especially lint and small stickers, these aid in digestion and give your skin that special glow.
5. Stand on top of the tallest object you can find, gently stretch your arms to your side as far as you can until you are standing on your tip toes. Repeat as often as possible. This exercise will not only tone those flabby thighs but will also cause your loved ones to love you more … or at least put you under twenty four hour surveillance.
6. When your dinner is late, cry inconsolably. Throw both hands into the air and scrub your eyes vigorously with both hands. If the meal takes longer than five minutes to arrive escalate into a full bodied scream, clutch and release your fists, scrunch up your face. Think of this as a workout the whole family can enjoy. They will be on their toes, running back and forth and loosing weight. You will keep all the muscles in your face happy and healthy. Win/Win.
7. Drink four large glasses of milk making sure to dribble a small amount down your chin and onto the front of your shirt. This moisturizes the tender skin under your mouth and gives a “youthful look” to your everyday wear.

Follow this routine daily for best results. You will enjoy all the pleasures of youth with my new program. Be sure to send in for the follow up “Life Skills Makeover and Recovery” for the low, low price of only $500 (which can be broken down into bi-monthly payments of $11.95, amortized over the next 25 years.) It also includes a nice designer hand bag and wheelchair seat cover. You’ll need it.


(This study was tested on four children and is deemed to be right at least two out of four times. Unless the moon was full and they were cranky.)

Safety First

I don’t know what is wrong with my body but it appears to be magnetically attracted to furniture. Those of you who are adept at science are right now saying, “Come on, lady, most furniture is made out of wood” Well, my body is made out of flesh but it doesn’t seem to make any difference. Magnetic, I tell you. My husband will attest, he has seen the bruises. He, in fact, was the one who suggested we should put fluffy slippers on all our furniture legs … especially on those crazy rollers under the bed. I think it would look silly. After all, most of the furniture we own would look great in penny loafers.

However, I am considering taking a cue off my children in order to keep my body from disintegrating before I’m 40. With a few simple safety precautions my house will be much more livable. For instance:

Wrapping the pointy ends of all furniture in layers of foam and duck tape. Make sure to mark said duct tape with florescent stickers so that I will not walk into them in the dark.

Wearing a helmet at all times, including, and especially, in the shower. After all, one can never be too safe around that much water.

Slide into my kitchen chair from the top and strap myself in. If I can manage it, buy a snap on table tray to sit in front of me. This way I won’t be able to wack my knees against the table or the chair beside me. It may cause some problems when my kids need more milk, but hey, they have to grow up sometime.

Wear shin guards over my pants. Look into making them more “fashionable” with some crazy fabrics.

Wrap myself in toilet paper so I can simply bounce off any offending object.

Crawl.

These and many other possibilities are being carefully considered to aid me in my daily life. Please, if you have any more suggestions, pass them on, but don’t be surprised if I can’t get back right away. My elbow is magnetically sealed to the coffee table.

Sunday Intellectual Discussion: Best Job

What, in your opinion, would be the best job ever? Why?