Friday, August 18, 2006

A for Affort

Spell Check was invented for me. It’s true. On the day I was born the doctor took one look at my bulging blue eyes and called in a squad of computer geeks, a squad so secret that their location was only known to their mothers.

He said, “Boys, this little girl is going to need all the help she can get.  Spelling, Grammar, word count, you name it. It’s an impossible job but do what you can.”  

In those days taxes were low, interest rates high and government funding for odd problems at an all time boom. So, they applied for the appropriate grants and five years later they got right on it. It was difficult manipulating the cumbersome supercomputers of those days, who admittedly, were testy and none too bright (come on, anyone can add on their “processors”) but the geek squad persevered. They created the Super Computer, then the larger COMPUTER and finally became so frustrated with sleeping in a dusty corner while the computer took up all the better floor space, they created the smaller “portable” Icon computer. They worked hard. Though briefly distracted by their creation of the game “Q-burt” (rightly so, anyone would be distracted by the combination of such skill and beauty) they finally invented the Spell Checker.  Word Processing was merely a derivative. The whole program as well as the operating system that housed it was then sold by the Canadian government to Bill Gates for five dollars.

It was kind of them to help me out. Anyone who has read a fraction of my replies will find them riddled with odd spellings. When in doubt I feel it is always best to add a few extra letters. I could take letters away but it looks more ambishious to add.  I firmly believe in A for effort.

There should be a rule about adding letters.  Like s after s makes word success.  As in assesssment or supersseed.  

Or words hard to say should be spelled that way. Like Catapullted,  Pedelumn, Anemmony, plus any words used by banks, lawyers or scholars with unusually large brains.

Unfortunately no one has seen fit to write these rules down on any official documents … no matter how many letters I have written to Canada Revenue. Come to think of it they were all hand written. Hmm. Never mind. Thank you Geek Squad for making writing possible… you can come out of hiding now.


1 comment:

Joel said...

Ahhh, my dear, yes, spell-checkers were made for you... this is the reason we cannot play Scrabble or Boggle or any other word game together. Oh well, if I wanted to marry a word-processor I would have married someone else!

Great post! Glad to see you're back and in your element. Keep us laughing!